connections

it's insane to think about how much we connect and disconnect ourselves from things.

we connect ourselves to ideas, places and even people that we want others to know about

we connect ourselves to popular values and ideas, places we deem as cool or interesting, and people who we think can help us in some way.

it's rare to find a friendship that people are not proud of, and if we do have that friendship, it's often in secret. although we may be emotionally connected, is it fair to say we are truly connected if we cannot publicly connect?

off track

we disconnect ourselves from ideas that seem scary or too extreme. from places we don't want to be, or don't want others to see us at. and we disconnect from people who are no longer of importance to us- from pain they may have caused, or from the simple choice to just give up.

why emphasize on being individuals, just to connect to shared thoughts, values, ideals, etc..

midterm time

Midterm in 8 hours=studystudystudy

In other news, today was a bit of a better day.

I was a bit choked in the morning, but then B called me and told me a funny story, which made it all that much better.

The rest of the day went pretty okay, until my friend came to me in the middle of Mac Hall, crying... turns out her boyfriend of 2.5 years decided they were done. My study time was suddenly dedicated to friend time. I tried to coach her on my own break-up experiences, and tried to help her as i could. By the end of our chat, she was eating, even smiling and laughing. Yes!

I have to get back to learning, but I'm listening to this cool band who just emailed CMB, called Kataplexis. As I have mentioned before, I have pretty mundane music tastes, but i decided to step out of my comfort zone and study to this band. My bestest guy friend went through the biggest death metal phase and tried desperately to get me to listen to it. Of course, i rejected it, claiming it to be too scary. But perhaps there is something poetic to this after all.

Wish me luck tomorrow!

-s

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

last week:

Tuesday- School from 9-5, work on presentation from 6-11
Wednesday- School from 9-11, meeting from 11- 12:30, home at 1, paper from 2-11(i hadn't started)
Thursday- School from 9-1, job interview from 2-3, gym from 3-4, dinner with my friend from 5-9, meeting with B for launch from 9:30-12
Friday- Work at job 1 from 8:45-11, doctors at 11:30(who was late until 12), CMB work from now until i work at 3 at my second job, then sleep sleep sleep.

fgdyeuihwsioajsw

procrastination

i can't get anything done

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfLt9fKhd78

but i love amir

rest in peace

i hate that this happened

even though it seems surreal still, i feel so sad, i feel so weird, i feel slightly numb, and slightly stressed, fearful that i'm going to break down any second

i hate that we drifted apart

i remember when you were my go-to person for so much

you knew everything that happened in my life once

i called you a best friend

i always knew that you were not happy

i always knew that you were sometimes depressed

but i didn't know that it was this bad

it hurts that i can never see you again

i don't know why we didnt hangout and catch up

i dont know why i didnt text you more, or call you just to talk

i dont know why we drifted, and why i didnt try harder

but i regret it now

you think this summer i would have learned something

you think i would have realized that life is so much more precious than anyone can realize

i can't believe we let you slip through the cracks

i can't believe you had to take your own life, to feel better.

i'm so sorry

Oh technology...

http://www.ijustmadelove.com/

blah

i'm the kind of girl who needs things to be in a nice order. i like things that are uniform, neat, tidy, and proper. i like there to be a sequence, and i don't like surprises. and that's why i don't do well with stress.

right now i have so much on the go that it's making me a bit sick. i have this terrible habit that when i get overwhelmed, instead of stepping back and thinking "okay, let's make a plan", i'll just go crazy and stop everything until i can see the clarity in what i need to accomplish again.

right now i'm procrastinating with facebook games, and virtural dj, ugh, i'm a doomed university student